Gretchen: That is so fetch!
Regina: Gretchen, stop trying to make fetch happen! It's not going to happen!
Gretchen: I'm sorry that people are so jealous of me... but I can't help it that I'm so popular.
Karen: If you're from Africa, why are you white?
Gretchen: Oh my God, Karen, you can't just ask people why they're white.
Karen: [thinks she flashed over] Oh my god, she's so
Gretchen: Who is?
Karen: Who's this?
Karen: Right... hold on.
[Karen flashes over]
Karen: Oh my god, she's so annoying.
Gretchen: [reading from the Burn Book] Trang Pak is
a grotsky, little byotch.
Regina: Still true.
Gretchen: Dawn Schweitzer is a fat virgin.
Regina: Still half-true.
Karen: Amber D'Alessio . She made out with a hot dog.
Gretchen: Janis Ian-DYKE.
Karen: [pointing to Damien in background of picture] Hey, who is that?
Gretchen: I think it's that kid, Damien.
Cady: Yeah, he's almost too gay to function.
[Karen & Gretchen chuckle]
Regina: That's funny, put that in there.
Gretchen: Irregardless, ex-boyfriends are just off limits to friends. I mean that's just like the rules of feminism.
Gretchen: And did you know she cheats on Aaron? Yes, every thursday he thinks she's doing SAT Prep but really she's hooking up with Shane Oman in the projection room above the auditorium. And I never told anyone because... I was SUCH a good friend...
Karen: God. My hips are huge!
Gretchen: Oh please. I hate my calves.
Regina: At least you guys can where halters. I've got man shoulders.
Cady: [voiceover] I used to think there was just fat and skinny. But apparently there's lots of things that can be wrong on your body.
Gretchen: My hairline is so weird.
Karen: You know who's looking fine tonight? Seth Mosakowski.
Gretchen: Okay, you did not just say that.
Karen: What? He's a good kisser.
Gretchen: He's your cousin.
Karen: Yeah, but he's my first cousin.
Karen: So, you have your cousins, and then you have your first cousins, and then you have your second cousins...
Gretchen: No, honey, uh-uh.
Karen: That's not right, is it?
Gretchen: That is so not right.
Gretchen: [in her English class essay, after being humiliated by Regina] Why should Caesar get to stomp around like a giant while the rest of us try not to get smushed under his big feet? What's so great about Caesar? Hm? Brutus is just as cute as Caesar. 'Kay, Brutus is just as smart as Caesar. People totally like Brutus just as much as they like Caesar. And when did it become o.k. for one person to be the boss of everybody, huh? Because that's not what Rome is about. We should totally just STAB CAESAR!
Gretchen: Make sure you check out her mom's boob job. They're hard as rocks!